If,
like me, you are suffering from an
overload of politicians and
their promises, it may be
worth embarking on a visit, in your mind at least, to the
Alaskan town of Talkeetna.
It's really only a large
village, with a population
of
around 900 and
there is very little to
distinguish it from other similar remote places
in Alaska. Its main claim to
fame ended in 2009 when the annual Moose Dropping Festival erupted
into chaos and violence.
The
festival comprised a two-day celebration held each July. The
highlight was a lottery where participants would place bets on
numbered, varnished pieces of moose droppings that were tipped from
a helicopter onto a target. Sadly, according to the Anchorage Daily
News, the 2009 festival turned into a "weekend of mayhem"
with "a lot of drunken, high, stupid people doing stupid
things." Worst of all, the manager of Nagley's General Store had
his bike stolen. Mayhem, indeed. Unsurprisingly, the festival has not
been repeated since. The Daily News is silent on whether the
inhabitants are still polishing their moose turds and what they do
with them now that they can't do the obvious and drop them from a
helicopter.
So,
since 2009, there has been little
more to say about life in Talkeetna. Where,
then, are the links to our Politician overload?
That
is where Mayor Stubbs comes
in.
As
politicians go, Mayor Stubbs of Talkeetna takes some beating. He’s
celebrating over 15
years in office, has an almost 100% approval rating and has never
raised taxes at any time. Not once has he broken any promises and he is
totally untainted by scandal. There are no suggestions of financial
impropriety, no sexual
indiscretions and no
accusations of lucrative contracts being awarded to close friends and
associates. He is a clean, decent citizen who goes about his daily
tasks with a quiet dignity almost unknown in the sometimes grubby
world of politics where pride and inflated egos often flourish.
Of
course, there's
always a snag with such stories and in this case there
are a couple of extra things
you need to know. The first is
that Mayor Stubbs is actually a cat. The story is that he was
initially put forward as a joke candidate for mayor but easily beat
the two human candidates.
The
second is that, sadly,
the story isn’t true.
The
false feline tale was launched by an Alaskan TV station a
couple of years ago and
rapidly spread around the world. Headline writers couldn’t resist
references to the cat’s pyjamas; and the non-word “purrfect”
appeared many times. What everyone had missed in the original piece
were the words “as the story goes”.
Apparently,
Talkeetna doesn’t actually have a mayor and the district mayor who
covers Talkeetna is a man.
All
is not lost, however. The feline Mayor Stubbs does actually exist,
resides at the aforesaid Nagley’s General Store and is unofficially
regarded as the honorary mayor of the town, though he has never been
elected. All that has happened is that, by accident or design, Mayor
Stubbs has been turned into an international attraction and
has generated significant tourism revenues for the town.
So
the story isn’t such a catastrophe (sorry!) after all. Having
someone in office who doesn’t actually do any harm but attracts
tourists and revenue doesn’t seem like such a bad idea.
What
the whole episode maybe demonstrates is how open we are to the idea
that no political leadership is better than the bad leadership of
cynical, self-interested politicians, whatever their political
complexion. It seems that we might prefer our politicians to be not
red, blue, yellow or even green but tabby.
After
all, a couple of years ago, Belgium managed to go 541 days with no
government at all without too many negative consequences. If only the
unimaginative Belgians had thought of appointing a handsome Belgian
Shepherd dog as prime minister, they might have lived off the tourist
influx for years. And if they had launched a lottery based on
collecting his turds, polishing them and dropping them from a
helicopter, the whole Euro crisis might have been averted.
So
there you have it, Mr. Cameron and Mr Miliband. Forget the promises
that we all know that you won't keep. Find a suitably cuddly and
appealing pet, create a Turd Collection and Airdrop Quango and just
watch the deficit disappear. Just remember, however, that you
read it here first – and give due credit to Mayor Stubbs and the
good citizens of Talkeetna.
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